During my early years as a therapist, I remember a seasoned supervisor once telling me how she never met a person who didn’t have several personalities living in their psyche (and she wasn’t talking about people who suffered from multiple personality disorder, either). It’s an interesting concept, I’m sure we can all relate to in some way.
The Old Soul and The Peter Pan
We’ve all heard the phrases, “Act your age!”, “This person has an old soul.”, or “This guy has the Peter Pan Syndrome.” Our culture has always hinted at the idea that we can have different levels of maturity independent of our birth age. The same is true when it comes to our “Dating Age” because we are all on our own individual paths and we all have differing levels of experience.
Our dating age, or another person’s dating age, can become especially significant when it comes to our romantic lives. One of my patients recently described feeling perplexed when a suitor12 years her junior acted way more mature than a suitor several years her senior.
Experiences vs. Age
Just like most areas in our lives, assessing one’s dating age is based on multiple factors – like how long someone has been in the dating scene, what their mindset is, what their goals are while dating, and how comfortable they feel when they meet new people.
Dating age and relationship maturity can’t always be assessed by identifying a person’s birthdate. Some of us mature at a very young age while some of us never really mature.
If you have been married for a long time, newly divorced or have recently been widowed, you might feel like an adolescent in the dating world even though you’re a full-fledged adult in every other area. Dating, as it is, can make even the most mature personalities feel like an insecure teenager again. But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That teenage energy can make us feel alive and tingly all over again, which can be exciting.
Raising Your Dating Age:
But here’s the good news: Your dating age can evolve with just a few small tweaks and changes. Your dating intentions, ability to practice dating and maintain a proper perspective can raise your dating age to meet the maturity levels of the other parts of your life.
Dating, really, is just another way to expand your social circles and see what types of personalities you enjoy. It can be a fun way to enjoy yourself while having new experiences with new people. Hopefully, along the way, dates can be tailored to focus on meeting the type of person you’d like to spend more time with, or even a lot more time with (wink-wink).
Developing one’s dating age is a little bit like working out. The more you do it, the better you’ll become at it and the more your dating age can mature. And I know you can do it. You just have to get back out there and you’re starting at a great place with OurTime.
Curious About YOUR Dating Age?
OurTime and Dr. Robi partnered on a quiz to help you assess your dating age. You can take the quiz here.
Dr Robi Ludwig is a contributing relationship psychologist to OurTime and the author of “Your Best Age Is Now”. To learn more visit Robi website.